Hardly Breathing
by Rath101
Summary: Nothing I can say or do, will take away what I've been through. What you were is what I've come to be. Nothing you can say to me, will take away these memories. What you were is what I've come to be!


**Disclaimer: I do not own the Final Fantasy series nor the song.**

**Lyrics**

_Nothing I can say or do, _

_will take away what I've been through. _

_What you were is what I've come to be. _

_Nothing you can say to me, _

_will take away these memories. _

_What you were is what I've come to be!_

It's been three years… Exactly three years since the final battle in Zanarkand. Three years since Sin was finally vanquished from Spira forever. Three years since the dream that was Tidus finally ended. Three years since the man I'd come to feel for died.

Although I suppose 'Die' isn't the right word for that moment. He was already dead, and had been for the past ten years.

My heart clenches as I thought of him separating into a dozen pyre flies and ascended into the Farplane. A mixture of colour that are so beautiful and so lovely to gaze at where nothing more then a haunting taunt in that exact moment.

The moment Auron left me all alone in Spira.

Multiple times I would look around from the hilltops of Besaid and see all the people that cared for me in one sense or another. They were all having trouble adjusting in their own mournful ways. It seemed to suddenly disappear with the return of Tidus.

He cheeky smile seemed to light up everyone's faces and bring back hope. I remember the unadulterated hatred I felt when Wakka exclaimed cheerfully that the gang was back together. I left rather abruptly so my anger wouldn't get the best of me. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs and say that our gang wasn't completely back together! Auron wasn't here! And he wont ever be…

I choked sob barely escaped my throat as I tore my gaze away from the celebration below. The dancing and chanting around a bon fire in honour of Yuna and her guardians defeating Sin was making me sick. How could they celebrate? How? Why _would _they celebrate? How can they all see on that day as the most glorious that had ever been? It wasn't simply the day that Sin was destroyed forever…

It was the day Auron left… And the day my heart was sent to the Farplane with him.

I walked what I could only assume was hollowly down the trails heading to the beach. I let the cool night air tickle my bare skin and give me Goosebumps. I looked up into the sky and saw thousands of glistening stars. Sometimes I mused that he was one of them. So impossibly beautiful and consistent.

So impossible to reach.

I sighed deeply and tore my gaze from the bright night sky when I heard the call of my beloved cousin call my name. I saw her jogging to me with a bright smile on her face. I didn't even bother trying to return it. I learned early on that it was useless. Why attempt to smile when all they were graced with was a painful grimace?

I slowly approached her and waited for her to catch her breath. When she finally had I started walking towards the town, with Yuna following my footsteps.

"What is it, Yuna?" I asked non caringly.

She flinched when she heard me. Whether it was from the coldness and harshness of my voice or the fact the I called her by her name and not her nickname 'Yunie' I wasn't sure. I couldn't say I practically cared. I wont lie to myself about that.

She finally found her voice that quivered with a badly attempted mask of pain. "We were worried were you when off to."

I grunted, not really at all caring about their worry. I had other things on my mind then a stupid party. This was a day for mourning not celebrating.

We walked in silence for a few minutes before Yuna grasped my should and halted my steps. I didn't turn to face her, I couldn't bare to see the painful look she'd have upon her sweet face.

"What is it?" I said nonchalantly.

"Rikku, I know your hurting. I know that you've been like this for a long time, but it's got to stop. I can't lose my only family left."

I avoided swinging around and slapping her across the face. Family? Is that how she saw us? I thought it was laughable. Family are there for each other. They comfort each other when their loved one has based. They don't abandon them when their own returns.

"What family? Family is where home is." I mumbled.

"But this is your home now."

I couldn't stop the dark smirk that appeared on my face at her words. She shrunk back when she saw it, knowing immediately she had said something wrong.

"I'm sorry." She whispered defeated.

I scoffed. "Whatever." Was all I said as I turned around and headed back for the beach.

I hadn't made it three steps before she had grabbed my wrist gently but I violently ripped my hand away and glared at her.

"Rikku, why are you like this? You used to be so happy and lively. What happened?" she whispered in a broken voice.

She looked at my face as if to search for answers on my face but I knew she would. The perfectly guarded stoic face I had planted there wouldn't allow it.

"What happened?" She repeated in a stronger, more determined voice.

"_What happened_?" I mocked her. I laughed hysterically in a dark voice. "What happened!" I spun around and marched up to her grabbing her shoulders roughly. My face turned serious and what I could only assume looked evil. "What do you think happened?"

She looked down at her fingers and picked at imaginary chipped parts of her perfectly smooth nails. She whispered something I couldn't hear. I shock her violently.

"Sorry, I couldn't hear that! Speak louder!" I spat at her.

"I don't know!" She all but screamed in my face.

Silence filled the air except for the occasional cricket. I sighed and bottled up my anger, willing it to stay contained for just a little bit longer. I released my grip on her and retreated back to the beach, this time without her following.

Without thinking, I dove into the water and swam like a mad woman, determined to vent of even some of the anger and aguish I had inside of me. Soon, after flailing my arms like I was a child for couldn't touch of the of the sea, I simply floated on my back with the cool and calm waves softly sifting me in the water. I sighed in false contentment.

I looked up at the stars and gave a stiff smile. I whispered his name like a caress on my lips and my heart clenched tighter. I slammed my eyes shut and willed myself not to cry. I had, like every other time, failed and silent tears slid down my cheek and added itself into the endless ocean. I huddled my knees together as my body shook violently with dry sobs. My breathing became laboured with lack of breath and soon I was gasping for air as my sobs slowly stopped.

I floated on my back again but this time refused to look at the night sky. I simply closed my eyes and picture that Auron was here with me, not in the water because that was too uncharacteristic even for him but I pictured him watching me intently from the shore.

I smiled genuinely as the thoughts crossed my mind. I knew that Auron was at peace and wouldn't want to return to Spira but that didn't mean I couldn't go to him, right?

I stood up and looked around the beach one last time, absorbing every bit of information I could gather before I performed my selfish act. I laid back in the water after I had believed I had memorized it and sighed. I looked back up at the sky and the smile that graced my features could only be classified as a delighted one. I released my breath and rolled over into the water so I was floating on my stomach.

_May we be reunited together in the Farplane… Forever._

It didn't take long for my vision to turn black…

It was soon blinded by such a bright light that I had to cover my eyes protectively. The light didn't dim so I didn't remove my hands. I heard a waterfall in the distance and frog croaking as well as the sound of water splashing from the occasional fish jumping in the air. I was lying on grass, it was so soft and barely prickly like the grass I could so clearly remember. It felt nice.

As my eyes adjusted I could finally open them and I was blown away with what I saw. As my ears had told me, a beautiful waterfall was right in front of me. It had mist raising from the small poll of water beneath it and a rainbow graced the air around it. I saw frogs hopping from lily pad to lily pad and trees gently swaying in the warm wind. I giggled for the first time in years as I saw a fish jump in the air and do a back flip before falling back into the water and swimming away quickly.

_So this was the Farplane. I like it. Why didn't I come here sooner?_

"Rikku." I heard a husky and deep voice call and every muscle in my body froze completely. I refused to move and as seconds passed I began to slowly relax again, thinking it was simply my imagination. That is, until I heard it again.

"Rikku." It repeated, and this time he had my full attention.

I stumbled to get to my feet as quickly as I could and turned to the voice and I couldn't help the gasp that escaped my throat. There, before me, was the most beautiful man I had ever seen. He was tall with a very broad set of shoulders that was built even more with the muscles her had. His right arm was limply at his side and his left was set across his chest in what appeared to be using his vest as a sling. His red coat shone brightly and made his dark hair stand out, no matter the grey hairs that had started to form. His right eye had been closed shut from a battle scare wound and made his appearance even more menacing. His left eye that was open, was brown and held strict authority yet a guarded gentleness was also hidden deep beneath. His face betrayed his age but his eye betrayed his wisdom that seemed to be unmeasurable.

There before me, was the man I had loved more then anything. And still did.

I smiled brightly and skipped towards him. I stopped about a foot away and couldn't stop the smile that had seemed to be now permanently chiselled on my features. He sighed and closed his eyes.

"I was here to scold you for your stupidity but I suppose I can't with you looking like that."

I was soon on my tipi toes and my lips were moving against his in a small dance. All the while unable to tear the smile from the face. After a few moments of pure bliss I pulled away and I grabbed his right hand and intertwined it with mine. With that, we set off to whoever knows what.


End file.
